No Peace, Just Wisdom

Each day is getting closer and closer to a divorce.

My friend said to me, “At least you have a peace about it.”

Noooo. I don’t have a peace about it.  Everyday my emotions flip flop back and forth.  I don’t know how anyone could have a peace about getting a divorce from someone you love.

In His Time

My heart sifts through the wreckage of life. With my arms made strong, I push aside big heavy metal. Rusted long beams, severed iron, and massive brick lay crumbled before me.

I’ve seen this in real life before in Sedai, Japan.  I visited the aftermath on a mission trip after the tsunami. It was something out of an end-time movie.

My eyes scanned a vast dilapidated land which was once a happy community. Schools were flattened, gas stations half standing, piles and piles of wrecked vehicles and motorbikes filled a parking lot from the clean up.

It was so sad to see.  Something like that changes your perspective about life and it’s

Waymaker

I need to write.  I’ve been holding so much in, and I need this space as an outlet.  If you’ve been following, I haven’t written for a year. And for days…I’ve been holding back so many tears.

I Trust You

“Let’s have an honest conversation, Lynsey. My answer is no. For reasons I can’t fully explain over this dinner,” Fabian said steadfastly as I sat on the couch twirling my spaghetti.

We had been discussing house rentals since he got home from work. Dinner was running cold, the baby was crying, and I stumbled around with my phone in my hand eager to show photos of the 3 bedroom house I had just seen.

“There’s no normal life…it’s just life”

We’re finally getting back into the swing of things, and yet we’re not normal.

What is normal?

Most people, if not everyone, thinks their own family isn’t normal, whether it be due to some crazy relative or unfortunate circumstance. Or perhaps it’s yourself that is off your rocker.  Abnormalities can make you feel like the world you live in is tilted slightly off kilter and that you could slide off the edge of the world at any moment and some days you wish you could.

In Honor Of…

In honor of our daughter, Zephaniah, who died exactly one year ago, my husband and I lit a candle near her little white box and went over parts of that painful day.

We actually talked about it.

Just Another Day

“It’s just another day,” I said out loud convincing myself as my husband and I laid in bed talking about what we would do the following day. It was the night before what would’ve been Zephy’s 2nd birthday.  We avoided the calendar and knowingly ignored the upcoming day till that still moment in bed.

Celebration Day!

I love the Lord. I’m just going to go right out and say that upfront. Whether through good circumstances or bad circumstances, and trust me, we’ve had a lot of bad times, yet I will always love the Lord, and the Lord loves me.

We found out we were pregnant just moments before my birthday and I thought it was such a fitting birthday present from God.

Well, today is the day of salvation. A day of redemption. A day of celebration.

We welcome Little Zephy’s sister into the world…

Preparing- Any day now!

A lot has happened in the last couple of months, but I chose to be silent till now. Instead of blogging, I’ve been preparing.

Probably not in the way you think.

Remembrance

Yesterday was a very tough day.  My husband and I were invited to a luncheon in honor of all the donors who donated their organs in their passing.  We knew this lunch was coming.  It was in my calendar.  I reminded my husband intermittently as it approached.  We knew it was coming, but we weren’t prepared to revisit the loss of our little girl.

On a daily basis, we say hi to her photo.  We happily kiss it when we pass by the photo frames.  We acknowledge our new life without her.  We look towards the future.  But there’s something so emotionally overwhelming when bringing something so painful to remembrance.  It’s important…difficult…but in it’s own way, releasing.